Walking Away
by I Blinked
Summary: She walked away from her old life and into theirs. Another girl meets boys story. Oh no... NEWBIE ALERT!
1. Ch 1: There Was A Girl

**There was a girl**

DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Boondock Saints. Please don't sue. You won't get much. Please be kind. This is my 1st attempt at a fic. I admit I am a SPF and NR fan-girl.

-SF.

I never told you how to live your life  
I never said you had to be something you don't want to be  
I never said you had to stick around forever  
Never said you had to stick around to be with me

I ain't going to be responsible  
When your life don't end up full  
All your talk has become bull  
Just what do you see  
Don't place the blame on me

A lack of vision when you made your decision  
And you wonder why your life has turned out this way  
You tried to use me and succeeded to confuse me  
But now you're feeling sorry 'cause you got played

I ain't going to be responsible  
When your life don't end up full  
All your talk has become bull  
Just what do you see  
Don't place the blame on me

Life is evil when you don't get what you want  
Memories can serve as ghosts  
They'll tease and haunt you  
When you spend your nights up late  
Wondering all about your fate  
Why did life end up this way  
For You - Save Ferris

Chel'An Geronimo had just arrived in town. The flight was uneventful, San Francisco to Boston, 7 hours and 40 minutes on the plane most of which she spent asleep. Surprisingly well, sleeping at night still wasn't an easy thing for her. She opened her eyes, blinking at the brightness of the light. The jarring of the landing gear connecting with the ground had woken her. Her internal clock screamed early morning, but according to the flight attendant overhead, it was almost 11am, "Welcome to Boston." For a few minutes she almost forgot where she was.

"But that was the point right? To forget", she sighed and wrinkled her nose. "I can't forget... No, I don't want to forget. I feel that if I forget about him... he'll really be gone forever."

She took a deep breath and sat up, trying to shake sleep from her head. Her right hand ran through her hair, her fingers smoothing out her wayward bangs. Where her right hand trailed behind her head, her left hand brought up a ribbon to tie back her hair. She brought the long dark brown pony tail across her left shoulder. Sifting through her bag she found her sunglasses and her earphones. The flight was thankfully not crowded, she had the row to herself. It was comforting to hide from the sun and add a little background music. She was dressed in her basic uniform of jeans and a black loose sweater. Her grey coat was in the seat next to her, she wondered if it would be thick enough to keep her warm. October Boston might be alot colder than October San Francisco.

The plane was still taxi-ing. She bent down to put her boots back on, she smiled to herself. It was nice they were still where she kicked them off. Looking out the window, the sun had settled behind some clouds. Hopefully it wouldn't rain, she still had to find her new home. As far as she knew someone would be picking her up at the airport to take her to the agency to sign some papers and then to her new apartment.

Who would've known she'd be a traveling nurse. Her first assignment had been 3 weeks in Hawaii. The relatives in Oahu smothered her. Hawaii was a nice dream, a fuzzy warm type of dream. It was easy to blend in but it didn't help that her favorite cousin KaLee lived locally too. She appreciated her concern, but they were so forceful in trying to match her up. Didn't they realize it was too soon? Then came 3 months in San Francisco. She liked that it was cold there. Atleast it pleased her family that it wasn't too far from home. She fit in well there, but too many things reminded her of him. She also had too many relatives there. They meant well and were only trying to care for her. But she was tired of their pity and sad smiles.

When she was younger running away was what came naturally. So of course she was doing it again. Now Chel'an found herself in Boston. The pay was good, no one wanted to work in the city where the vigilante group, "The Saints" were patrollling. Quiet, peace, she wanted to be sad/mad/alone. No one understood this, it wouldn't be for ever, just for now. She missed him and 4 months later she was still trying to figure out how to be without him.

She laughed to herself, what a great soap her story made. Young couple married not even a year, caught in the cross fire at a busy shopping center. Law enforcement husband shot and killed before her eyes, shielding her from bullets. Her eyes were feeling warm, she blinked the tears away. He was off duty, they were at the wrong place at just the wrong time. Sure it was horrible to have lived it, but would it have been any easier or any worse if he had been killed in the line of duty. A loss was a loss regardless of the situation. She was not going to cry and meet her new supervisor and superintendent red-eyed and puffy faced.

Her contact was a friendly gal, she actually was on her way out of town. Lori? Laurie… God didn't she ever stop to breathe? Auburn hair, green eyes, Irish accent. They made an interesting pair. Chel'an being dark-haired with brown eyes of Filipino descent. They took a cab from the airport to the Agency. From there they took a train to the apartment. Laurie filled her in on all the landmarks and sights.

"So this is home. It's not the Ritz, but it's clean and decent and yer inna safe neighborhood. The Saints only go after bad men. They're doing good y'know. Anyhow... Everything you need is all nearby… work, church… You're Catholic right? There's a grocer's and a pub within walking. The clinic is a brisk walk and then a ride on the train home," Laurie had said. It was a cozy 1 bedroom with a large studio attached. Fully furnished complete with a treadmill and mid-size tv. The bath was a good size too. "I've already sent off my things, this is all yours now. I hope you don't mind, the job is a breeze I was just going to stay for a day and then leave you. Let's get on with the tour then."

The clinic was as Laurie said, easy, simple, just how things were at home. The docs all had their idiosyncrasies but Chel'an was used to that. Of course they were impressed with her previous experience. She had been a paramedic and then her years working in an emergency room were nice notches under her belt. The only downfall were the hours, but that was the bane of a traveling nurse. Pm shift was specifically what she had wanted but the possibility of only working 3 nights a week wasn't settling well. "Don't worry my dear I have a solution for that too", Laurie had laughed.

Laurie was a great guide, telling Chel'an all the short cuts and alley ways to take and NOT to take. Sure enough the church, grocer's, and bar was only a few blocks in their neighborhood. They stopped in at the local bar, "This is where I'd spend my nights when I wasn't at clinic. No silly, not as a drunkard, as a waitress. Would you be interested in taking my place here too? Mind you it's a local bar, but the people are all friendly." Chel'an nodded her head, if it would keep her nights even busier then it was worth a try. She was introduced to Doc the bar owner, he was a kindly old man who was a huggable grumpy bear.

So that's how Chel'an ended her day. Laurie hugged her good-bye and left her at the bar that evening. She started that evening, taking orders and serving drinks, it's a good thing she thought to switch out to her steel toe boots. Comfort and stability were better than style when working at a bar. The patrons were a good mix of people, not just Irish. She didn't stand out, she didn't quite fade away, she was just there. And that's how she liked it. Out of the crowd only 2 pairs of eyes noticed this new face and watched her with curiousity.

"Why don'cha marry 'er then?" Murphy Macmanus teased his brother. "You feeling ta have a bite of what's it? A little Asian persuasion?" The dark haired young man had his arm around his blonde twin, in a consipiring way. She had brought them their drinks, but hadn't stayed long, her eyes were quick and her ears even sharper to catch drink orders all around her. To the brothers it was as if she was in a graceful dance from behind the bar to the patrons and around the floor. She smiled easily, her eyes very aware of all around her and was not the least afraid when the occasional brawl broke out. Chel'an had decided that these two were harmless brothers, quick to fall in love with the new girl. She hoped they atleast would leave her a good tip, she definitely enjoyed being a girl.

Connor Macmanus shoved his right elbow into his brother's chest. "She only got here, quiet little thing. Her eyes seem so sad. I wonder what's her secret. Sad eyes always have secrets."

"Whaddaya mean sad? When she smiles she lights up the room." Murphy retorted rubbing his chest, "We've got secrets, but our eyes aren't sad."


	2. Ch 2: She Met A Boy

**She met a boy**

Its been so long since the last time we talked  
We never seemed to finish what we start  
I know its tough to stay in touch  
We always seem to say  
"We're not in love  
We just have fun  
It's better off this way"

Stay the night if your passing by  
This is the only time  
To clear our minds  
Come on baby  
Hold our heads up high  
We've got some catching up  
To do tonight.

I should've known better  
then to feel this way  
no matter how long you are gone  
I will always wait  
I know its tough to stay in touch  
We always seem to say  
"We're not in love  
We just have fun  
It's better off this way"  
(Stay the Night - Red Panda)

Her shift was over quickly and Doc went over the routine of closing down. The walk from the pub was more of aimless wandering. Chel'an found the grocer's first, then the church, and finally came upon the not yet quite familiar sight of the apartment building. It was a nice night out, the moon was out not too bright, not too dark. The city was quiet to her surprise, she thought at times it was only the sound of her breathing in her ears. Quiet was nice, but too much quiet would bring on thinking. Behind her she heard the faintness of footsteps and voices. She straightened and quickened her pace into the building.

Minutes later two forms disappeared into the building across from hers. They weren't stalking her, merely making sure the new lass would find her way home safely. Murphy was irrate, "She's a careless girl. What girl in her right f-ing mind wanders the streets after mid-night?" The boys had done alot of grappling and cuffing each other at one point when Murph was tired of the chase and wanted to just grab her and drag her home. "I wanta sleep! I can't f-ing help it if she's lost!" But his brother didn't want to scare the girl, content just to watch her from afar. "I'm telling you Conn, this romantic soul shit is NOT going to get you laid!" Murphy was asleep as soon as he crumpled onto his bed.

Connor peeked across the way. He saw her form on the balcony. She was seated cross-legged on a bench, dressed all in sweats. A blanket was around her as she was chatting on the phone. He went up to the roof, curious even more about the new girl. Sounded like she was talking to her Ma, a little happy, but still a little withdrawn. He watched as she threw her phone in the room and gathered the blanket about her. "She'll catch her death if she plans to sleep out here tonight," he thought.

Chel'an hung up the phone and threw her phone back inside sighing in frustration. Her mother meant well, they all meant well, but did they really want a truthful answer when they asked, "Are you doing ok?" She would say, "I'm doing fine and things are really nice over here." But she wasn't ok, and wouldn't be for a long time. She still missed him, would always miss him. The pain would never go away, but she accepted that it would lessen in time. Her eyes caught sight of a small tin on the ledge beside her. She smiled as she discovered Laurie's forgotten lighter and cigarettes.

Conner watched in fascination as she fingered the box of cigarettes and played with the lighter a few times. She placed the cigarette gently in her mouth and the flame of the lighter eased his view of her face. Was she crying? Did her Ma make her cry? He watched her smoke the single cigarette, she finally tipped the orange glow into a canister by her feet. The wind carried her quiet sobs up to his ears, and he watched as she cried herself to sleep.

It had happened oh so quickly, yet in her mind it replayed painfully in slow motion. The elevator doors had just opened, the sun bright on their eyes. Suddenly guns were waving and people were yelling. He had pulled her down and back into the elevator. But the men that had been the original target had done the same, as soon as he had pulled out his weapon and yelled out his credentials, one of them had turned and fired twice. She didn't even have time to scream as he fell forward onto her. She felt him guide the gun towards her right hand, heard him whisper, "I'm sorry," and without thinking she took it and fired at the men across from her.

Murph woke up and realized it was too quiet. Across the room his brother's bed was still empty. He grumbled and sighed as he threw on his coat. His twin was most likely watching the girl, what was it with this girl anyway? When he got to the roof, he was surprised to not find him there. Murphy lit up a cigarette, which promptly fell out of his mouth and down to the street below as he glanced across the way. There was his brother scooping up the girl out on her balcony. "Conn! What the hell are you doing?" He cursed to himself, "Dammit!" He had dropped the pack of cigarettes too.

Minutes later Connor found his brother outside searching the street between their buildings. "What the hell are you doing?"he asked wondering if his twin had lost his mind.

"Funny I was 'bout ta ask ye the same thing!" Murph quipped, "That was a quick lay!"

"I didn't touch her," Conner defended. He wasn't much for words and would speak when ready, but Murphy knew how to break him.

"Ye had her in yer arms, like she was your own," his brother laughed, "Help me find the cigs." They were searching the side walks now. "Did she tell you her secret? Did you make those sad eyes cry tears of joy? Or was she upset to be with the wrong brother?"

Connor boxed his ear, "She didn't even know I was there." He picked up a crumpled pack of cigarettes off the ground and tossed it at his twin, his blue eyes twinkling with his laugh, "Here we go!"

"I swear Conn, you got it bad. I'm itchin' to tell Ma she raised a f-ing stalker." His own eyes squinted at his twin. "They can never handle what we do. Just sleep with her an' be done with it." His brother could have more tact when he wasn't so sleepy or grumpy.

Connor related his tale as they trudged up the steps to their home. "Yeah I was watchin' her. She fell asleep outside and I just wanted to bring her in. She'd be catchin' pneumonia if not for me. I let myself in, picked her up and set her upon the couch is all."

"And you watched her sleep. And you smelt her hair. And you caressed her cheek ever so gently..." the dark haired brother teased, "You are a stalker Con! It's not healthy." They were in their bedroom now, Murphy burrowing under his blankets.

"She's one o'them traveling nurses Murph. She'll only be here 3 months or so. Don't get so worked up," Connor mumbled crawling into bed, "I jus' wanta to get to know her."

"Don't come crying to me when she's gone," Murphy smiled in the dark, his brother hadn't taken a real interest in a new girl since they started their 'work'. Maybe this would actually be a good thing Murphy thought as sleep finally came. Connor needed some thing other than him to keep him company. There would be times when Murphy would hesitate to be out with a girl, just knowing his twin would be at home drinking alone. "Just don't fall in love with her Conn... that's all..." Murph mumbled before sleep took him.


	3. Ch 3: But She Didn't Know

**But she didn't know.**

Just like a star across my sky,  
Just like an angel off the page,  
You have appeared to my life,  
Feel like I'll never be the same,  
Just like a song in my heart,  
Just like oil on my hands,  
Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is,  
I don't argue like this,  
With anyone but you,  
We do it all the time,  
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,  
You make me feel like I'm alive,  
When everything else is au fait,  
Without a doubt you're on my side,  
Heaven has been away too long,  
Can't find the words to write this song,  
Oh...  
Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,  
I don't argue like this,  
With anyone but you,  
We do it all the time,  
Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,  
The way it is,  
It's not a secret anymore,  
'cause we've been through that before,  
From tonight I know that you're the only one,  
I've been confused and in the dark,  
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,  
I don't argue like this,  
With anyone but you,  
I wonder why it is,  
I wont let my guard down,  
For anyone but you  
We do it all the time,  
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,  
Just like an angel off the page,  
You have appeared to my life,  
Feel like I'll never be the same,  
Just like a song in my heart,  
Just like oil on my hands  
(Like A Star Lyrics - Corinne Bailey Rae)

He lay on his back, hands behind his head. Connors's eyes were closed, but he could still see her. She had soft features, very pretty to say the least. In the back of his head she reminded him of Snow White, dark hair, fair skin, kissable lips. When he first picked her up she had sighed and nuzzled against his neck. The warmth of her breath so close to his lips almost tempted him to steal a kiss. She smelled of a nice mix of fruits and flowers, "What was he doing? He'd broken into her home, carried her into her bedroom, and now he wanted to steal a kiss?" Murphy would've thrashed him if he was here. He slipped away before he had a chance to make any mistakes.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Chel'an had woken up from a wonderful dream. The first in a long time. She remembered falling asleep sad and alone as always, but for a few moments she was filled with warmth. She felt safe and content, and complete. It wasn't "him", but a nice feeling none the less. Thinking of "him" woke her up. She didn't remember coming in from the balcony last night, but she did have a long night. Slowly it was getting easier for her to be without "him", but she felt guilty. She didn't want "him" to be "out of sight, out of mind". She didn't focus so much about what could've been and how their lives were cheated unfairly. That was the first month or so, mostly now she was sad/mad that she missed him. The sun was up, but the air was still brisk. She was greatful her coat was warm enough to combat the weather. She found a cream sweater, mid length denim skirt, boots, and a scarf amid her bags. Unpacking would have to hold off until this afternoon.

There was still time before mass, she found her way to a side chapel to light 2 candles and kneel in prayer. Eyes closed, head down, her fingers softly touched the rosary ring on her left hand. She didn't pray for herself, she prayed for others. When she was done, she noticed two young men beside her. They were deep in prayer too. Silently and swiftly she made her way into the main cathedral for the morning mass.

Connor and Murphy ended up seated directly behind her in mass now. Murphy didn't pay much attention to her, just the day's sermon. Connor had noticed her hands fidgeting with her rings. On the right was a shiny sparkly, on the left was a cross? No, a rosary ring. And her voice, she was singing without even bothering to open up the hymnal. Murphy knocked him on his head, "Fer Christ's sakes man! Pay attention!" As she slipped out after Communion, Conner was curious as to why she didn't stay for the whole mass.

Chel'an was happy to start her day. She left mass early to avoid having to meet and greet the locals. On the way home she stopped by the grocer's and dropped in on Doc to see if he needed her. Officially her schedule for the clinic was Wednesday – Friday nights. She figured she'd keep herself busy at the bar then. Doc slipped a bottle of Chivas in her bags while she was chatting with the other girls. It was a nice walk back to the apartment from there. She smiled up at the sky, the clouds bright white among a sea of light blue. This was healing, no pushing or prodding, or sympathy. No one was here to look at her and cry with pity. She was trying to be herself again, not some poor sad widow, lost without her husband. Atleast she had switched her rings from right to left, occasionally she'd switch left to right. The diamond ring was a comforting reminder that she was loved and she would wear it to honor him. The rosary ring was when she needed faith and hope for strength.

The discovery of the Chivas in her bag set her laughing as she unpacked her groceries in the kitchen. A little bit of liquid warmth made the unpacking of her luggage and boxes easier. The last box she should've opened on arrival, but she hadn't wanted to scare Laurie. Chelan placed a small gun safe under her bed, tapping the key pad the door swung open easily. There was just enough space for her to be able to open it quickly and the door open freely. She also retrieved what looked like a black make-up carry all. She flipped the combination lock and slid the clasps open to reveal one Sig P230 and one Glock 19. "Liquid courage, meet careful courage," she breathed. She'd have to apply for a CCW in this district, better to be safe than sorry. The quick release of the safe swung easily and she placed the two guns securely inside.

Being the wife of a Sheriff's Deputy didn't always mean being comfortable and skilled in shooting. But she'd been around guns even before having met her husband. Not that she was a gun afficionado, but she always was at the range with family growing up. It was a nice plus that it was easier for her to be armed after they were married. Now it was a stark reminder that as a victim she would always be able to be certified for concealed weapons. His last gifts to her had been a specialty purse, with an easy access but lockable compartment and an ankle/calf holster. She had a gun with her always, but not out of paranoia. It was just better to be safe than sorry. Ironic that the one day she didn't have either on her, was the day she lost him. The amber liquid warmed her throat as the tears formed again. She wiped them away gently with the edge of a tissue, he always hated it when she cried. But he wasn't here any more to watch her, or make the tears go away.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

She was back to work at the pub that evening. Doc had introduced her to more of the regulars. They were a kind crowd, she was hoping to fall under the category of being a young traveler. So far no one asked too many personal questions, she let them assume she was just the friendly carefree girl. She met each customer with a smile. At the bar two young men were chatting it up with Doc, she rememebered them from the night before. He waved her over to introduce them, "B-b-boys I want'cha ta m-m-meet Chel'an. She's the n-n-new nurse at the c-c-clinic up the street and my n-n-new girl. Missy, th-th-this here's Murphy Macmanus and his b-b-brother Conner. Y-y-you let me know if th-th-they give you any t-t-trouble."

Chel'an nodded and shook their hands politely. Murphy took the initiative to offer her his stool, "Here ya go, I'm sure Doc here can let you off early. It's extrememly rare we get to have the company of a nice girl." She looked up at Doc, and he waved her down, "You s-s-sit, you worked t-t-too much tonight any-h-h-how." He set 3 pints of Guiness ahead of them. She was now seated between the brothers and Doc had seemingly wandered away. She wasn't too wary, if Doc thought they were good, she could trust them. They shared a few rounds that evening.

"So I take it you two are brothers? Who's older?" she turned to look from Murphy to Conner. Murphy was the spiky dark-haired one with a mischeivous look. Connor was the dark blonde wavy haired one who had gentle eyes. The two of them had such deep blue eyes. She tried hard not to stare, Connor's gaze made her feel as if he could steal her soul and but she wouldn't have minded at all. They were close kin with playful banter, they told her their story about not knowing who was the older twin. They asked her about her home and where she was from, and how her family could let her come all the way over to Boston on her own.

Chel'an gave brief answers, only offering basic information. Oldest of three, presumabley the black sheep keen on wandering away from home. They learned that her real name was "Michelle Angela", and she hated it. San Diego was home, but so was San Francisco... home was anywhere comfortable and safe. She let them in that it was nice feeling safe and content in this little section of the city. They didn't press her, as she was still getting to know them. Chel'an liked these two, Connor especially. He was the more reserved of the two, his blue eyes she seemed to get lost in. "Don't stare... don't stare" she chanted to herself. Murphy was the energetic lively one, who liked to dance and nudge her in the shoulder like one of the boys. Conner she wouldn't mind getting to know better, she appreciated his quiet confidence. A few drinks later, she found herself at a more comfortable level.

It wasn't very long when Murphy decided to take his leave with a girl he met at the other end of the bar. Chel'an was off shift anyways and Connor offered to escort her home. She missed the wink Murphy had thrown at his brother as they all stood up to leave. She shrugged as she'd be fine on her own, but wouldn't mind the company. They spoke of growing up, his brother, her two brothers, of noticing each other at the church that morning. He had at one point offered his arm and she linked her arm in his. They were nearing her building and the awkward feeling of not really wanting to invite him up was at the edge of her mind. They stopped at the entrance and she stated, "Well this is me... do you have to go far to get home? I hope I wasn't out of the way."

He ruffled his hair with his right hand looked at her shyly and then waved to the building across with his left, "Actually me brother and I live right up there." He smiled as she put her hand up to cover her laughing, he liked her shyness. Her eyes weren't so sad this time. Connor pointed out the 3rd floor, "If you ever feel the need just open the window and call out."

She pointed to her own unit and said, "I'm glad to know we're neighbors. It's nice to know who I can turn to when I need a cup of sugar." Her smile was warm and there was a sparkle in her eyes, it seemed the sadness was gone.

He stepped closer to her, causing her to squeak, "Someone as sweet as you, wouldn't need any sugar now." Connor was testing the waters, seeing if she'd bite. She giggled a little and he hoped he hadn't made a corny mistake, and it seemed that he didn't. Her hand was still on his arm and hadn't lifted to swat him away. That was a good sign, so he leaned forward a little.

She stood on her tip toes and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, "Thank you for a lovely evening." And then she was gone just as quickly as she delivered the kiss, already in the door. Connor smiled, she was the one who kissed him, maybe just maybe she was interested in him too?

Just behind the door Chel'an's cheeks were red and flushed and her heart was desperately trying to free itself from her chest. She kissed him, well it was a chaste kiss, one she delivered with relatives and good friends. But she couldn't help but feel the excitement of a school girl. That suddenly disappeared, as thoughts of "him" filled her heart. "What the hell am I doing" she wondered, "I just met the guy..." Shiny tears found their way down her cheeks, she didn't bother wiping them away. It took awhile to sleep, thoughts of Connor and "him" on her mind.


	4. Ch 4: Was It Love?

**Was it love?**

She  
May be the face I can't forget.  
A trace of pleasure or regret  
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay.  
She may be the song that summer sings.  
May be the chill that autumn brings.  
May be a hundred different things  
Within the measure of a day.

She  
May be the beauty or the beast.  
May be the famine or the feast.  
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell.  
She may be the mirror of my dream.  
A smile reflected in a stream  
She may not be what she may seem  
Inside her shell

She who always seems so happy in a crowd.  
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud  
No one's allowed to see them when they cry.  
She may be the love that cannot hope to last  
May come to me from shadows of the past.  
That I'll remember till the day I die

She  
May be the reason I survive  
The why and wherefore I'm alive  
The one I'll care for through the rough and ready years  
Me I'll take her laughter and her tears  
And make them all my souvenirs  
For where she goes I've got to be  
The meaning of my life is  
She

For where she goes I've got to be  
The meaning of my life is

She - Charles Aznavour

Chel'an went about her days, work in the evenings either at the clinic or the bar. If it wasn't too early for them Murphy or Connor would greet her in the mornings when she'd go out for a run. They took her about the town, showing her the sights. Connor more so alone than with Murphy. She'd had them over a few times for home cooked meals. Her cooking was alot better than Murphy's, but not as horrible as Connor's. She knew their father lived with them, but work seemed to keep him out of town alot lately. They didn't talk much about work, but she never asked she presumed they still worked at the local factory, and they were always at church before she was on Sundays. The boys didn't crowd her, they didn't bother her, they didn't smother her. They were just there. Some nights either Connor or Murphy would be there to give her a ride home or an escorted walk from the clinic. She had the feeling that Murphy did it at his brother's request. She felt comforted and was greatful for the company. Maybe it was nice to be taken care of someone again, by two someones at this point.

Murphy had asked her one night about her rings, and if she had a man hidden away somewhere, "I see you fiddling with the cross while you're in church. And some nights your spinning the gleamer when you think no-one's watching ya. Is there someone waiting for you?" Connor was silent, dreading that his brother had asked the question he had not had the courage to ask. He was waiting curiously for her answer, and she was so silent, that he didn't even give Murphy a solid cuff as was expected. Chel'an finally turned to Murphy and smiled, looking from one brother to the other, "I'm a widow Murph. And yes, I suppose he's waiting for me up in heaven. But it's going to be a long while till that happens." She spoke of her husband and of how they all would've gotten along fine. They didn't ask how she lost him, they didn't want to rip open an old wound that seemed was just starting to heal. Connor was content to hear her later in the evening say, "Thing are getting easier for me. Yes, I do get a little sad. Who wouldn't. But I know I'm not broken, and I am truthfully ok."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Chel'an found a local shooting range. There she went to practice her marksmanship and to requalify for her CCW. This was the one place she didn't dare take the boys. She was so conscious of them thinking she was crazy. Most guys would think girls with guns are hot, but a girl who became a widow due to guns might be a little scary. She was neither, she was cute, not hot; she was safe, not dangerous. Still it was better for people not to know if you were "carrying" at all. In the back of her head she wondered if there was some kind of adrenaline gene. Going to the local gallery or out in the desert had always been a family affair. Her father and uncles were all retired military, her brothers and male cousins either active duty or reserves, her closest female cousin a firearms instructor. And it wasn't a big secret that her own mother and aunts were much better shots than the men of the family. They didn't compete, they didn't show off. For a place that was loud and intimidating, Chel'an found solace in the quiet behind the glass, and familiarity in the flash when the bullet would leave the chamber, and the burning smell of the spent rounds. She didn't have to think, she only had to hit her mark.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Tonight had been an evening of movies and pizza, and of course beer. The three of them had fallen asleep in her living room. Connor was on one end of the couch opposite of his brother. It was Murphy's snores that had awoken Chel'an from the easy chair. She found blankets and went to cover them both. She started with Murphy who was curled up and kissed him on the forehead. She made her way to Connor who had his head tilted back, sprawled sitting upright. She was deciding on shifting him, his neck would be hurting in the morning if he slept like that. She ran her fingers through his hair tipping his head gently forward, he moved into a better position of sleep. She was about to place a gentle kiss on his cheek, when she stopped to study his face, Connor was who she was sweeter on. Oh Murphy loved to flirt and was quick to offer an arm. But Connor always had a hand at the small of her back, it was like a quiet reminder, "Hello. I'm here." She leaned into him more than his brother, and neither seemed to mind. She was attracted to him, and he to her as she had guessed. But they played the "friendly game", both a little afraid of scaring the other off. She didn't mind the dance, his quiet charm was what made him so endearing.

Chel'an stepped out onto the balcony and hugged herself a little. This was nice, 3 weeks in Boston and she already had two handsome guys asleep in her apartment. She felt a hand at her back, that would be Connor. He already had a cigarette lit and was offering her one. She shook her head and mumbled a, "Sorry to wake you".

Chel'an leaned into him as his left arm circled around her waist, his head rested gently on hers, "I woke up an' you were gone. What're ya doing out here in the cold?" She shivered and he flicked his cigarette away to pull her gently into his arms.

She was still facing away from him, but was leaning more into his warmth, "Just thinking." He turned her slowly, and her arms went hesitantly around his neck. They were facing each other now, soft brown eyes looking up into calm blue ones.

"What were you thinking about?" he breathed. She felt so soft in his arms, she fit him. He was aware of the contours of her body melding with his. He was glad the cold was keeping a certain part of his body at bay, but it wasn't cold enough. Her hands were caressing the back of his neck, he wanted so much to kiss her. But she had to want to, he didn't want to force her, to put her at unease.

He learned more about her past after Smecker, their "inside man" had done a background check on her. "She's the widow of a cop. Caught in the line of fire when a vice job went bad. They were shopping, ended up in the same elevator as the targets. The stress and trauma caused her to lose a baby. She's been doing the traveling nurse thing ever since. She's a wanderer with no real home now," his FBI friend had revealed.

She leaned forward and whispered, "I was thinking about kissing you." Her lips found his gently. He was kissing her as lightly as she, only pressing forward as hers became more confident. Though it was his tongue to first softly probe into hers. It was her moan that escaped as his hands went from her waist to one supporting her back as the other found its way through her hair. He tipped her head back as his mouth traveled from her lips to her neck. She shivered as his kisses left a warm trail in the cold air.

"Let's take this inside love," he was looking at her again. They were still exploring each other, the tender kissing becoming more and more urgent. Somehow they had found their way into her bedroom. He had laid her down on the bed and his lips were just starting to explore her body, when he looked up into her eyes and found them brimming with tears. He stopped and lay beside her, enveloping her into his arms, "Shh... what's wrong?"

She wasn't sobbing out loud, but the tears were still falling, "I'm sorry. It's just been so long. I'm just a little scared." She hadn't really delved much of her past, and had felt a little guilty. But the tears tonight were the relief of wanting him and knowing that he truly wanted her too. She had not told much about "him" for fear of Connor thinking he had someone to compete with. As much as she missed "him" he would always be apart of her, but she had to put away her past and live in the now. Chel'an turned to Connor and he moved to kiss away the tears. He whispered terms of endearment and comfort, and they began again to lose themselves in each other.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Murphy woke up as the sun was rising. He opened his eyes at first confused at the sight, "Where the f#$ am I now?" Realization kicked in, Chel'an's pad. It was quiet, where was his brother? From behind the bedroom door he could hear Chel'an's soft laughter. He threw his shoe at the wall, "Woman don't laugh! He can't help being so small! You've bedded the wrong Macmanus. I'm right here!"

Chel'an's eyes were shy when she came out of the room. Connor rushing forward to tackle his brother from the couch. "Aw Christ! I just mean that it's about f-ing time!"Murphy smirked. The two were wrestling on the floor now and Chel'an went about to make breakfast. "That went well," she breathed.


End file.
